Now I am in no way a professional at this because I have not actually sent my oldest off to college yet (he will be going this fall). But I do know what I have been doing during his (and my other sons’) life. My husband and I have been raising them to send them off.
Since they were kids, we have been raising our sons to be independent thinkers. Meaning, we have raised them to be able to solve problems on their own, to make decisions on their own, to make GOOD DECISIONS on their own, and to be able to take care of themselves when we aren’t around.
And I think we have been pretty successful.
I want my guys to be good husbands someday. To be able to care for a wife and children without struggling because the ‘school system’ maybe didn’t teach them a life skill or two, or three… I want them to know how to deal with responsibilities, how to deal with the jerks we all deal with someday but in a way that doesn’t escalate the situation, how to take care of finances, how to do right and not wrong…
What to Teach and When
If you have young ones, I suggest that you start off in the home with giving them responsibilities… obviously you will monitor them, but give them chores (see my post on that HERE), give them tasks (go get the wheelbarrow and pick up sticks from the yard-then make sure they do a good job), make sure you talk about money and how and when to spend and save. Also talk about the hard emotional things, yep, even with boys. Because at some point in a man’s life he will most likely get emotional a few times and they don’t know how to process those feeling as well, and may just want to brush them away. Teach them it’s ok to feel things because things WILL make us angry, or sad, or confused… it’s what we DO with those feeling that will count in life.
We also teach them that they were created for a purpose and ON purpose. They weren’t an accident and they were created by a God who loves them.
Don’t let an experience go by without making it a teachable moment. Or if you can’t talk about it at the moment, DO talk about it when you put them to bed that night.
Don’t let those precious few moments get away. You will wish you had them back later in life…
If you start when they are young…
…It WILL get easier as they get older. They will start to ask about WHY they need to do certain things, and you can explain why. You can also show them that they need to make decisions that sometimes no one will ever see, but if they make bad choices, it could change their lives and the people around them forever.
You continue to let the preverbal rope get longer and longer until one day you let go of the rope and they make decisions on their own.
Y’all (I’m not southern, but this just feels like the right terminology) this part is HARD. Do not let mama’s tell you it’s easy. It just isn’t. Now I feel like my son is capable and ready, but sometimes parts of your heart just aren’t.
And that’s ok. That’s what love is.
After You Let Go
So, when you let go of your child and they start their new life off on their own, you will obviously still be there for them. But we need to know when to run to them to help, and when to let them struggle and learn.
If we fixed everything that went wrong, when they are supposed to be learning how to be an adult, they will NEVER learn. We never learn anything when someone else fixes all of our problems.
Be there for emotional support and some advise, but in the end THEY have to make the decision. THEY have to be the one to say what will be done, and then live with that.
Girl, I’m With You
It’s so hard. It’s hard to send your baby boy off to college, or to the military or off to get married. But Just look to the future. Know that you raised them the best you could with what you had, and let God take care of the rest. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Prayer helps calm the heart and brain.
Are any of you experienced in letting your
adult children babies go? How did you make it through? Have any advise for us newbies?
Thanks for stopping by today! If you have someone who could benefit from this post, please pass it along! I hope it helps someone. Have a great week and we will see you again on Wednesday!